A small note defining coffee types and their acceptance in polite society

17 Oct 2011

I remember the title of a book from when I was younger, There’s an Awful Lot of Weirdos in Our Neighbourhood: A Book of Rather Silly Poems and Pictures

, and the weirdos put me in mind of people I see drinking coffee.

An americano with steam milk and foam, for example. Which is what, other than a waste of time? At least the person bought it in Starbucks so it wasn’t a waste of good coffee.

A flat white. Ridiculous.

The Core Coffees, upon which the world is built

  1. Espresso: always a single, a shot of coffee extracted under high pressure from fine grounds.
  2. Cappucino: one third espresso, one third steamed milk, one third foam.
  3. Caffelatte: if you really must, although it’s bordering on the creepy. Only to be drunk by incredibly attractive women, and only they know what goes into this comforter. Not to be ordered by a self-respecting man.

Other Coffees

  1. Cafetiere: not, as known by the retarted and xenophobic, a ‘French press’ (this is actually a sexual position, and the French find it terribly funny). A jug with a filtered plunger, good for a slow morning.
  2. Greek/Turkish coffee: fantastic. Inspired. Cardomon is ground into the coffee, with is gound to a dust, which is boiled and sweetened.
  3. Vacuum coffee: science, art, showing off and coffee in one.

Anyone drinking anything else? Just another of the herd of weirdos in my neighbourhood.

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